Dear Christopher Robin,
I don't know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it when your dog ran amok in your closet and I saw you carve your initials into the crazy monk. I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand I did a sex change. I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep your photo as a memory. You should also know that I was interviewed by the times about the apartment building.
Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Brittany.